WORD PARTS, AND PARTS IS PARTS: And then, of course, there is the never-ending tragedy of lexicological codependency, the now all too familiar problem of words clinging to abusive prefixes and suffixes, fearful that without them these poor words would vanish entirely. For example, there is ept, a word split between the twin poles of in- and ad-, but never allowed to stand on its own. Ept’s sister Apt is also involved with in- and ad-, but unlike her sister Apt can stand on her own, her own word, not chained by the bitter bonds of codependency.

Not so ept. When was the last time you heard anyone say you were very ept at your job? Or that little Johnny was very ept with his schoolwork? You haven’t, and neither have I, and you are not likely to, either. For ept is the victim of a codependency so intense that she literally has no identity without in- or ad-. There are other victims as well. Take Ruth. Ruth floats lightly on the sea of vocabulary trying to do the breaststroke while otters watch from the bank, waiting to sell her on the idea of a home equity loan. She is only a noun these days, subject to the whims of fashion and popularity, while ruthless is with us always, muscling aside all opposition. “Look homeward, angel, now and melt with ruth,” John Milton tells us in Lycidas, without telling us who is this Ruth we are supposed to melt with and do her parents in Suffix County know or even approve of our melting together on the first date? Milton leaves all of this terribly vague, I think.

And then there is henching, which suffers from an abusive –man. We all have heard of the mysterious doings of evil henchmen, but what exactly is henching, why does it have such a bad reputation, and how well does it pay? Does it pay by the hour or is it a salaried position, and, most importantly, will all the good henching jobs be shipped overseas in the face of lower henching costs in China and other nations of the Pacific literal? The administration has been noticeably quiet about the export of valuable henching jobs overseas.

Other examples abound; whelm comes immediately to mind; but I think the time has come for all good men to come to the aid of their party and demand that something be done about the predatory practices of suffixes and prefixes here and abroad before these practices begin to threaten our economy, our social mores, and the American way of life in general motors and whats good for general motors, Charlie Wilson once said, is good for America.