EMERGENCY RESPONSE:The folks in charge of our happy little burg’s 911 emergency response system, or so I am told by those who know, do not own a current map of our city or a complete list of our city’s streets, this lack of what might otherwise be considered a necessity coming after the expenditure of millions of dollars on the system itself and a host of delays in actually implementing it. Given this literal lack of guidance, persons needing emergency services should therefore set their houses on fire immediately after calling 911; the column of smoke will help the paramedics find you.