LET MY PEOPLE GO: A herd of 50,000 Australian sheep infected with the ovine disease scabby mouth crossed the Red Sea today and were healed as powerful winds parted the waters, enabling the sheep to reach the other side. A column of fire on the port shore prevented Egyptian health inspectors and a busload of tourists from Yokohama, Japan from getting too close to the sheep. When interviewed the column of fire denied that he was a manifestation of the Lord, identifying himself as Marvin Kittlesmann, a pyrotechnics expert from Massapequa, New York. He said that he had been hired to stand and burn at the shore while the sheep went by. “I don’t like it much, cause them sheep stink like nobody’s business,” Mr. Kittlesmann said during a recent interview. “But there’s not much to do, otherwise. Ever since the power rock bands stopped touring there hasn’t been much work for columns of flame like me, and I needed the money. The bank was about to repossess my car.”

All of the sheep are reported to have crossed safely and are now wandering around the wilderness of Sinai looking for Mel Gibson to lead them back to God’s country: New South Wales.