ARCHAEOLOGY NEWS: Today’s discovery of an underwater Stone Age city in the United Kingdom brings up the question of why so many civilizations built towns and cities underwater and whether or not placing said towns and cities underwater had a deleterious effect on these areas and their long-term use by human beings. Clearly, building cities underwater prevents their being attacked by invaders who cannot swim, but it also makes going to the bathroom a bit more problematic. The large numbers of flints make it clear that the Stone Age inhabitants understood the use of fire; they also understood that putting the dog sled up on concrete blocks made it harder for the repo man to get a hold of once they fell behind in their payments. In any case, most archaeologists believe that Paleolithic hunters threw these particular flints away as defective when they wouldn’t work underwater and the hunters could not get the company they’d bought them from to honor their lifetime guarantee on the flints. The hunters have sued and the case is expected to arrive in small claims court sometime in the next 25 years.
Greenpeace and the Sierra Club immediately blamed the underwater city on the United States and the Bush Administration, claiming that the administration’s refusal to ratify the Kyoto Accords were directly responsible for the city’s current overly humid conditions. When a reporter for the National Review pointed out that the city’s perpetual dampness predated the existence of the United States, the Greenpeace spokesman demanded to know who let the reporter into the press briefing and then denounced the reporter’s question as the worst kind of timeism and that the government could not escape its responsibility for this ecological disaster by conjuring up lame excuses. A spokesman for the Sierra Club said that he could not be reached. When it was pointed out that he had, in fact, been reached, the spokesman claimed to be Curly Howard from the Three Stooges and began to dance the funky chicken before taking out a slingshot and shooting several reporters with heated Kennedy half dollars. When police finally shot him down after a five-hour standoff, the spokesman claimed he was only stimulating the economy and demanded that he be mulched after he died.
Greenpeace and the Sierra Club immediately blamed the underwater city on the United States and the Bush Administration, claiming that the administration’s refusal to ratify the Kyoto Accords were directly responsible for the city’s current overly humid conditions. When a reporter for the National Review pointed out that the city’s perpetual dampness predated the existence of the United States, the Greenpeace spokesman demanded to know who let the reporter into the press briefing and then denounced the reporter’s question as the worst kind of timeism and that the government could not escape its responsibility for this ecological disaster by conjuring up lame excuses. A spokesman for the Sierra Club said that he could not be reached. When it was pointed out that he had, in fact, been reached, the spokesman claimed to be Curly Howard from the Three Stooges and began to dance the funky chicken before taking out a slingshot and shooting several reporters with heated Kennedy half dollars. When police finally shot him down after a five-hour standoff, the spokesman claimed he was only stimulating the economy and demanded that he be mulched after he died.
<< Home