NEW STUDY: A new study conducted at McGill University in Canada on white laboratory rats proves conclusively that nations that tolerate the practice of putting mayonnaise on freedom fries are at the forefront of the decay of Western civilization, and that men who engage in the practice will grow hair on their hands, become nearsighted, nervous, and neuralgic; prolonged indulgence will cause the penis to shrink. The study's findings were announced today across the street from a local McDonalds, which was promptly burned down by fanatical vegan rutabaga cultists. The hamburger and fries giant will eliminate the practice of fries and mayonnaise in all its restaurants throughout the world in an effort to avoid liability in those countries where the practice is prevalent. The news caused McDonalds stock price to take a tumble today on Wall Street with a Coke whore and he felt much butter for the tumbrel his wife led him off in. The police are still investigating the case, which may or may not be made out of leather.