THE SURGEON GENERAL’S CALL FOR ALLIES in the war against obesity was shot down today by French Foreign Minister, Dominique de Villepin, who told a major French newspaper that France would not support any such war and that it would use its veto in the Security Council to prevent an Anglo-American resolution condemning obesity from passing. In an interview with Le Monde, the Foreign Minister said that American Surgeon General Richard Carmona had not made the case for the war against obesity and later denounced Defense Department plans to hide ICBM’s in some of America’s deeper belly buttons as “unnecessarily provocative” and an “obstacle in the ongoing search for world peace,” who was last seen panhandling for pesos in Patagonia.