The wave of foreign earthworms undermining America’s forests have been declared a clear and present danger to the national security of the United States and pose an “absolute threat,” to thousands of American earthworms employed in the forest industry, according to a spokesman for the Department of Commerce. Speaking on the condition of Ann O’Minity, the spokesman said she is doing well but her back still hurts, and that the foreign earthworms have no business being in this country and should be sent back where they came from posthaste, if not by registered mail. Ms. O’Minity, a leading expert on the influx of foreign earthworms, was shot and wounded two months ago by an earthworm two days before she was going to testify before a Congressional subcommittee on the growing threat of earthworms to the forest cover in the United States. Ms. O’Minity contends that foreign earthworms have all but eliminated forest cover in several national parks, causing thousands of American earthworms to lose their jobs.