The Passing Parade: Cheap Shots from a Drive By Mind

"...difficile est saturam non scribere. Nam quis iniquae tam patiens urbis, tam ferreus, ut teneat se..." "...it is hard not to write Satire. For who is so tolerant of the unjust City, so steeled, that he can restrain himself... Juvenal, The Satires (1.30-32) akakyakakyevich@gmail.com

Saturday, May 02, 2009

25 THINGS YOU DO NOT KNOW ABOUT ME:

This stupid meme is winging its way around the blogosphere again and I, unfortunately, did not step out of the way fast enough to avoid getting hit with it. So here it is, and I will not tag anyone else with this, in the hopes that the meme will die a slow and agonizing death if we all just simply ignore the damn thing.


1. I am a figment of Nikolai Gogol's imagination.

2. I wear a tie to work, thank you very much. Standards must be maintained, I think, or civilization as we know it will collapse into a heap of noisome sludge, if we're not halfway there already.

3. I was born in New York City in 1958. So were lots of other people. People had a bad habit of being born in New York City in 1958; it was a fairly widespread thing then, sort of like smoking or cracking your knuckles.

4. My father passed away in 2004. Pope John Paul II passed away eight months later. Both of them are probably making a habit of being dead at this point.

5. I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the Communist Party. I was, however, a Democrat once, but I got over it.

6. I do not develop my own film.

7. I do not eat fish, eggs, or liver. It is not a religious thing; I just hate fish, eggs, and liver. I dont like asparagus, either. And yes, I think anchovies on pizza are just plain revolting.

8. I find thinking about my bald spot intensely irritating, a condition akin to psychic eczema.

9. I love children, especially other people's children, and I love them best when the evil little bastards stay the hell out of my sight.

10. I am not interested in my personality.

11. I'm not terribly interested in your personality, either.

12. I have a bachelors and a masters degree, thereby proving beyond a reasonable doubt that I am educated way beyond my intelligence.

13. I know the difference between discreet and discrete, unlike some ignoramuses I could name.

14. I am very fond of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. As they are but tasty balls of fat and sugar, I can’t have them anymore, which irritates the hell out of me.

15. I think the idea of having gay men judge a beauty contest is more than a little strange. After all, you wouldn’t ask a lactose intolerant person what their favorite brand of ice cream was, would you?

16. I have never owned a Leica rangefinder camera and the chances of my owning a Leica are minimal to the point of nonexistence, given that I would have to mortgage my house to get my hands on one. Still, it’s nice to dream, isnt it?

17. I did not vote for Barack Obama in 2008, and no, I will not vote for him in 2012. Knowing that you can ignore yet another election cycle ahead of time is always a good thing.

18. I am a Republican (no, I am not kidding).

19. I drink more Diet Pepsi Wild Cherry soda than I really ought to.

20. I own my own scarf. Scarves are necessary equipment for the serious photographer. The lady who sold me my digital camera told me that the camera wouldn’t work correctly if I didn’t buy the scarf as well.

21. I have an unreasoning fear of heights. I also have an unreasoning fear of being eaten by an alligator, which, I realize, is a bit foolish, given that there are no alligators in this portion of the United States. Even the sewers here in our happy little burg are alligator free. The sewers are, however, full of rats, given the cheese company’s propensity for flushing curds and whey down the municipal drain without so much as a tuffet or a spider nearby.

22. I think that prisoners on Death Row should have their own reality show.

23. I used to have a thick NYC accent when I was a kid. Said accent was beaten out of me here in our happy little burg, so now I sound as bland as everyone else here.

24. I think that there isn’t enough sex and violence on television.

25. I do not go to horror movies. If I want to be frightened, I read my school tax bill. What the hell are these kids learning that I have to cough up $3K for them to learn it?

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