The Passing Parade: Cheap Shots from a Drive By Mind

"...difficile est saturam non scribere. Nam quis iniquae tam patiens urbis, tam ferreus, ut teneat se..." " is hard not to write Satire. For who is so tolerant of the unjust City, so steeled, that he can restrain himself... Juvenal, The Satires (1.30-32)

Friday, March 13, 2009

DAZE OF HEAVEN...NOT REALLY: And so it’s Friday the thirteenth, a day wherein I usually feel as if I should have stayed home in bed, largely because today is one of those days, like, April 15th, when I know that the cosmic powers that be are out to make my life miserable. Birthdays are sometimes like that as well, but a miserable birthday applies only to the supposed celebrant—the rest of us can go on as happy as clams, which is the sort of thing you do when you are caught up in the bivalve lifestyle—whereas Friday the 13th and April 15th are all purpose let’s screw them over days that apply to the populace as a whole. Even Groundhog Day can’t equal the annoyance value of the other two dates; if you live in North Dakota, you know you’re in for six more weeks of snow, ice, sleet, and freezing your ass off whether that stupid rodent saw its shadow or not, and if you live in Miami, then you couldn’t care less one way or the other if the oversized rat saw his shadow: you’re basking in the sunshine one way or the other. The good thing about Friday the 13th and April 15th, of course, is that these are the two dates every year where you are not paranoid. The rest of the year people will think you have some sort of weird persecution complex if you spend your time worrying about what was going to go wrong today, but on those two dates, you and me and everyone else knows that your troubles are not psychological: they really are out to get you.

In any case (and yes, this is a whiplash of a segue, no two ways about it), I am relieved to hear that the State of Connecticut has decided not to take over the Roman Catholic Church. The state legislature was considering a bill that give financial control of Catholic parishes to the parishioners, leaving the bishops and priests with only an advisory role in how the church’s money was spent. The proposal died a swift and painless death after thousands upon thousands of Catholic voters let their elected representatives know that they would not remain their elected representatives if they passed the bill. Faced with the possibility of standing in the snow at an electoral Canossa, the state legislature did what any group of high-minded statesmen intent on serving the commonweal would do in such a situation: they caved in. In fact, the Connecticut state legislature caved in so quickly and so well that they’re thinking of doing an instructional video to show out of state legislators the up to date way to cave in. I’m glad they did cave, although I must admit that the idea of a state takeover of the Church intrigues me. Would such a takeover mean that if the Connecticut state troopers catch me speeding on I-84, and they will someday, I could forego paying the fine and getting the points on my license and just say three Our Fathers and a Hail Mary instead?

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