For their part, the police, through a spokeswoman who got her job in the police department’s press office because she is qualified for the job and not because she is the chief of police’s niece, apologized to the citizens of our happy little burg for the officers’ involved totally unprofessional behavior and promised that the department would carry out a thorough investigation of the matter and an equally thorough review of the department’s firearms policy. In response to a question from the local daily paper, the department spokeswoman agreed that five officers firing 439 rounds in a crowded grocery store just because Mrs. Edna Spiegelmann of 197-b North Hickory Street would not hand over the last box of a dozen cinnamon doughnuts in the store did seem a bit excessive at first glance, but the spokeswoman was sure that there might be some mitigating circumstances involved and the department would look into these circumstances as part of its investigation, just as soon as it figured how five officers could shoot off enough ammunition to fight a small sized battle and still only hit the walls, the ceiling, seven guavas, a five pound leg of lamb, a box of Captain Crunch cereal, and a bag of unsalted cashews.
In a not undissimilar factoid, we here at The Passing Parade note with no small amount of trepidation Neil Kramer’s willful denial of the law of gravity. It goes almost without saying that such laws are on the books in order to keep people from harming themselves and others, and that Neil’s obstreperous defiance of the law of gravity, no doubt undertaken for the cheap thrill of it all or to impress the always lovely Sophia, sets a bad example for the younger generation, who will see this sort of thing as a validation of their own defiance of gravity and other natural laws. It is bad enough that the skies over our country’s largest cities are unsafe due to the large numbers of adolescents playing chicken with jetliners; having an adult, who ought to have the sense to know better, doing the same thing and making a public spectacle of his foolishness is simply insupportable from any moral or airline safety point of view. Clearly, the police must step in and put a stop to this behavior before someone gets hurt permanently.