ESPERANTO: THREAT TO WORLD HEALTH? : Well known experts in this sort of thing, which is not the sort of thing you want people to know about, given the history of this sort of thing, and who will go nameless here because they somehow managed to get to Europe without bringing their wives or even without their wives finding out they were going, testified today before a World Health Organization commission in Brussels sprouts up to their armpits that such languages as Irish, Catalan, Norwegian, Czech, and those sounds computer experts make when they gather together in large numbers contain extremely high amounts of artificial preservatives, and that Esperanto, the world’s most successful artificial language, may actually be carcinogenic. European Union officials in Brussels are under increasing pressure from French snail farmers and Germans with no particular occupation except wandering the streets chanting political slogans through bullhorns calling for the end of the capitalist system while fighting with the police and eating knockwurst, to ban Esperanto completely as a health hazard, and that those languages with artificial preservatives in them be banned altogether from public use until further studies on the health risks they pose can be completed and their findings shouted down as absolutely useless by members of the environmental movement. Until that time, French and German, which are not artificial but are nevertheless high in salt and cholesterol, will be used everywhere in the European Union where Arabic, itself a language high in transfatty acids, isn’t already used.