NOBELMEN AND THE REVOLTING MASSES: News has arrived here from Norway that the former junior Senator from Illinois has, for reasons I am sure sounded better in Norwegian than they would in English, won the Nobel Peace Prize, thereby causing one of the many attacks of cognitive dissonance I seem to be suffering from these days. As I understand the traditional purpose of this award, one needs to have actually done something to promote peace and harmony amongst the warring peoples of the Earth in order to receive it; yes, even Jimmy Carter actually brokered an Israeli—Egyptian peace treaty to get his Peace Prize; and as far as I can tell, the former junior Senator hasn’t done anything to promote world peace except show up at conferences and give speeches. I have nothing against showing up—Woody Allen once pointed out that 80% of success is just showing up—but just showing up, in and of itself, is not much of an accomplishment. If it were, then the Peace Prize would more properly go to the former junior Senator’s appointments secretary than to him, with honorable mentions going to the Secret Service and the staff of Air Force One. This then brings up the inevitable question of why he is getting a Nobel Peace Prize in the first place. I can’t be entirely sure about this, but I am reasonably certain that he is getting it for his perfect attendance record and because he plays well with others, which are very important attributes, no doubt about it, and ones guaranteed to impress your average totalitarian despot no end.