A NEW ROAD MAP FOR PEACE: President Bush announced today that the road map for peace in the Middle East cannot be folded back into its original form and therefore the Administration will buy another road map from the Texaco station down the highway from the President’s home in Crawford, Texas. “We’ve tried and tried to get that map back to the way the thing was when we bought it,” the President said. “But nothing’s worked and so I think the time has come to just put the thing in the glove compartment and get another one.”

Secretary of State Colin Powell agreed with the President’s assessment of the road map situation at a new conference today in New York, and went on to say that rumors of dissension between himself and Vice President Dick Cheney were greatly exaggerated. There have been persistent rumors that Secretary Powell wanted to buy the new road map at a Mobil station in the Bronx, whereas the Vice President is known to support the President’s plan to go with a Texaco map.