THIS JUST IN: Spanish police announced ten minutes ago that the bulls that gored three tourists today have confessed that they were part of a larger plot against the American fast food chains McDonalds and Burger King. The bulls maintained that they gored the three tourists in order to revolutionize the bovine masses and end the sale of the Big Mac and the Whopper in Europe.
Anti-globalization activist Jose Bove has announced that he played no part in this attack, although no one asked him if he was involved. Mr. Bove also denounced the designated hitter rule, the high price of tea in China, and the iceberg that sank the Titanic. He also announced that despite rumors to the contrary he is not the Walrus koo koo ka chew. In light of this attack on Western tourists, however, security experts are still looking for a possible link to Hamas and other Middle Eastern terrorist groups because if they didn’t they’d have to look for other work and not be able to say cool things like "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."