A year closer to death
It is, as a good many people here in our happy little burg
keep reminding me, my birthday, specifically my 60th birthday, for those of you who
like to keep track of such things. I generally do not keep track of such
things, either for myself or for other people; birthdays after age forty are
simply an annual reminder that you are now officially one year closer to death.
And I especially do not like birthdays that come in years that end with eight, as
this means that the number on my age year clicks over to zero. This is an
enjoyable experience when you turn ten or twenty; in the first instance it
means that you are no longer a little kid, no matter what your mom and dad
think, and in the second instance you are a.) no longer a teenager, b.) two
years past the point where you can indulge your baser instincts with an adult without
penalty of law, and c.) just a year short of being able to drink legally
everywhere in the United States; but beyond those two points the accumulating zeroes
are just annoying as hell—to find out how annoying, simply ask any woman in her
late twenties just how many times she intends to turn twenty-nine before reality
forces her to turn thirty—and the fact that I can now take money out of my IRA
without accruing sizeable penalties is not making me feel better about reaching
this age.
So I am stuck, it seems. I was going to mark the day by buying a
bottle of tequila, going home, and then getting completely hammered, but my
coworkers tell me that this is more than vaguely inappropriate for a man of my
gathering years and that my head will hurt like a son of a bitch tomorrow
morning, so I think I will skip the tequila and just make myself a baloney
sandwich instead. I have enough age-appropriate aches and pains without adding
new ones to the mix. I do wish, though, that people would stop wishing me a
happy birthday; I keep asking that they not do this and they keep insisting on
doing it anyway, which is starting to get on my nerves, very frankly. I am
waiting for next week, wherein people will stop with the Happy Birthdaying and
even the belated Happy Birthdays will go away, and I can be chronologically
miserable without everyone's best wishes making me feel even worse.
Labels: age, animal attacks, birthdays, death, drunkenness, Roberta Vasquez, tequila, yellow cling peaches in heavy syrup