A PORCINE OF THE THYMES:
I read, with no small sense of what the hell is going on here, that many British banks, fearing that they may give offense, the ne plus ultra
of crime in our politically correct world, have banned the humble piggy bank from their premises since their Muslim customers, for whom the unclean flesh of the loathsome swine is forbidden, might take umbrage at the porcine coin collectors. I suppose that ceramic swine could be offensive to some sensitive Islamic souls, although I cannot imagine why; it’s not like the banks are demanding that Muslim customers chow down on a hearty supper of Canadian back bacon, pickled pigs' snout, and Italian sausages (especially the kind with lots of fennel in them) in order to open a checking account or to use the bank’s ATM machine. And if the banks want to encourage young Muslims to save their hard-earned pennies, thereby encouraging the always-beneficial habit of thrift, they should offer piggy banks in some other shape, such as ducks, lions, or asparagus. For the extremely devout among the customers, the banks could offer piggy banks in any number of abstract shapes, including spirals, swirls, and appropriately enough, arabesques, lest the young Muslim believer fall into idolatry and begin offering pagan sacrifices of coins and sheep unto the graven image of YumYum, the Indomelamicropolymilkofmagnesian vegetable goddess. After all, you can never tell what will happen these days here in the Dar el-Harb; one day the kids are going along fine and before you know it, they're stuffing their mouths with porcelain pork chops and refusing to become martyrs. It's enough to drive any Muslim parent up and over the wall, if there weren't a squad of Israeli soldiers on the other side waiting to push them back.